Honey…I just don’t understand you! Everyone says it, nobody gets its! How many times have you said or heard couples or even therapists saying how communication in a relationship is key? A million times I suppose. What if I told you communication is rarely if not ever the problem people face in relationships. Would you be surprised? Confused? Intrigued? Angry?
Normal Marital Sadism (NMS)* Learning to hate our partners We don’t really anticipate that one day we will take pleasure out of hurting someone we love. We want even less to admit to it. For most people & couples, their reflex is to deny immediately any form of dishonesty and heartaches we cause to each other. What possible reason
How to Construct and Maintain it Once you’ve figured your type of alliance, it is important to understand that it only takes one partner to change it so that it becomes collaborative. What Is a Collaborative Alliance? A collaborative alliance works out and reinforces our 4 points of balance. This type of alliance requires that you see your couple
The underlying issue in couples* Couples fight and it’s always going to be that way, it’s inevitable. It’s not the most fun thing to do with the love of our life. We would all prefer that we all get along and we live happily ever after. Unfortunately and fortunately that is not how it works. People can’t agree on
The 4 Points of Balance* Tolerating self-validated intimacy is hard for everyone. It obliges us to maintain a strong sense of self, to self-sooth, have a grounded responses and a meaningful endurance. Each of these 4 points allows a person to maintain balance in the relationship so they grow as an individual and as a partner. When one of these fail,
How Intimacy Effects Our Sexual Desire* When our relationship is based on other validated intimacy, we inevitably hit an obstacle in our sexual maturity. If we are only willing to self-disclose a part of ourselves to our partner we’re limiting the level of intimacy the couple can share. Limiting our sexual maturity Sexual desire in a long-term relationship
Two Very Different Types of Intimacy* Intimacy and couple’s dynamic Every couple is unique in the way they are intimate with each other. It is determined by each partner’s individual experience and need for intimacy with their lover and also the dynamic that develops during the relationship. As we get to know each other better, we either appreciate