Break down the barriers that ruin sex
Getting rid of orgasms
|You have found the orgasm button! Still having fun pressing the same one over 277 times?|
Fewer orgasms, more satisfaction
- Where are your thoughts going during sex with a partner or yourself?
- What do you think about or focus on?
- What emotions do you feel?
- Where is your focus and what do you do with it?
- What importance does your sexual pleasure take?
- Are you connected to the various sensations of your body?
- How do you react when your sexual arousal diminishes (less lubrification or loss of erection)?
- What importance does you partner’s pleasure take?
- Are you sometimes too focused on theirs rather than yours?
- Do you feel selfish if you do think of yours?
- Is there’s more important than yours?
- What happens and how do you feel if your partner doesn’t get an orgasm?
- Do you need to have penetration to consider that you had sex or for it to be considered complete?
We do not give orgasms to our partner…we give them to ourselves
Like most people, women as much as men, we find ourselves in a sexual performance where we want to prove to ourselves that we are sexually capable. When everything works properly (reaching an orgasm), we are reassured and our sexual ego is flattered. So most people will put much of their focus on reaching and giving orgasms to be reassured. When it becomes more difficult or even impossible as it often happens in a relationship, we start to doubt our sexual competency or blame the other for it when our own self-esteem isn’t very strong.
So, rather than take pleasure during sex with our partner, we focus our attention on being performing. When that becomes too difficult, we start feeling incompetent sexually and it starts getting worse from there. We feel anxious and apprehend having sex rather than anticipate having pleasure. We fear failure and our anxiety grows to the point of creating sexual difficulties such as loss of erection, lack of lubrification, anorgasmia, pain during penetration, loss of libido, etc.)
Sometimes, we are still functional, but it doesn’t mean our insecurities are not there. There are camouflaged by our « sexual success » (reaching orgasm). More often than not, people are very anxious during sex without even realizing it.
Rub my ego and I will rub yours!
- Have you ever thought that your sexual arousal took too much time and you were afraid that the other person would be bored?
- Have you ever reassured your partner about their lack of erection or lubrification or lack of orgasm?
- Have you ever read books, articles or watched videos on sexual techniques? What were the reasons for it?
- Do you sometimes feel useless when receiving oral sex or feel that you need to offer it right after?
- Do you feel that your partner doesn’t really enjoy oral sex and they are just doing it to please you?
- Have you ever done it for that reason?
- Have you ever stopped oral sex because you were feeling guilty that it was taking too long and your partner was bored?
- Do you desperately seek the G-spot or highly erogenous zones to increase sexual arousal as quickly as possible?
- Do you continue having sex when you are physically uncomfortable with your fingers, mouth or during penetration to give or obtain an orgasm?
- Are you preoccupied with the length or the frequency of your sexual relationships?
- Is the number of sexual partners you’ve had ever been a concern or important to you?
- Do you always do the same sexual positions to ensure that you can obtain or give an orgasm to your partner?
- Do you fear ejaculating too quickly or lose your erection or not lubricate enough during sex?
- Are entirely comfortable with your nudity in any sexual position, lighting or the face you do during sex?
Sex without sexual performance anxiety
- Focus more on being sexually present with your partner and focus more on sexual pleasure rather than arousal
- Put aside your ego and have fun with your partner
- Take the time so savour all the different sensations during sex, and not just the last 8 seconds of orgasm
- Look your partner more often and longer in the eyes and take notice when you are touching or being touched
- Let your partner deal with their own sexual insecurities, without ignoring them, but knowing they are there.
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